In the Hollow

Here’s how Merriam-Webster defines the word hollow:

1: an unfilled space : cavity, hole in the hollow of a tree

2: a depressed or low part of a surface; especially : a small valley or basin

Hollow

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Photo credit: https://stock.tookapic.com/photos/11781

The emptiness that can follow the breakdown of a relationship in some cases can best be described as hollow. A person who loves hard and loses another to divorce, a relational break-up, or death can be left hollow. The surface of that person’s very life gains a cavity. It gains a depression. What would be a physical depression on a flat surface or a hole in a tree is likened to the mental state of depression in a human being.

Depression

I’ve never hidden the fact that I suffer from depression. I’ve been in slight slumps; I’ve been so far down, I didn’t care if I woke up the next day or not. Understand that I never contemplated suicide, but I just didn’t care if I woke up or not. My entire being was in such darkness, I just didn’t care. This was especially true shortly after my divorce.

I had spent so many years feeling worthless and the fact that the one thing I wanted more than anything, my marriage, had failed just added to the destruction of my mind. It wasn’t about the failure of the marriage itself, it was the failure I felt as an individual. It took me a while to realize that the abuse was not my fault. If you’re caught in an abusive situation, it’s not your fault either. Trust me on that one. No one deserves to be abused under any circumstance.

Here lately, I’ve found myself in another state of depression that is new to me. I’m watching my son deal with the same level of the issue and I’m not able to do much.

Death and Depression

When my nephew passed away on December 9, 2017, time stopped for nearly everyone who knew him. He was extremely popular, not only in our little town but with many of the folks he befriended online. For his funeral, people traveled from as far as New York to pay their respects. The fact that he was so loved gave us some solace, but the pain of losing him, as a pillar of our family, was and continues to be what nightmares are made of.

There is a darkness in my soul that I can’t shake. I’m not haunted by him or his spirit. It’s nothing like that. It’s just that I continue to struggle with not knowing where he is. There has never been a time when I didn’t know where he was. I always, always, always got a text or a call from him if he was leaving. This time I got nothing. Death took him so unexpectedly. He had no way of knowing. He would have said goodbye. He would have told me he was leaving. I never got to say goodbye.

I go to work every day. I have started writing again in earnest. I have started going to happy hour. I’ll be dating again soon. There is, however, a cloud over my head that I can’t outrun. It’s depression.

My son has lost a large amount of weight. He is struggling greatly in his classes. He and my nephew had a bond that was just as tight as the one I, myself, shared with my nephew. He’s coming in the clearing, but depression has him in its grip.

Get Help

As I said, we are in a state of depression. We are trying so hard to pull out, but we’re in the throes of depression. I plan to get some professional help for the two of us.

There are several different types of clinical depression including:

  • Major Depression
  • Persistent Depressive Disorder
  • Bipolar Disorder
  • Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
  • Psychotic Depression
  • Peripartum (Postpartum) Depression
  • Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD)
  • ‘Situational’ Depression

Take a look at this depression on WebMD regarding these conditions and some treatments that are available.

There is help out there. Talk! Find someone to talk to. It helps. If you need help on a larger scale, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.

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