Trusting again and ultimately loving again after divorce is hard. Dare I say in some cases, it’s impossible. It doesn’t have to be. It really shouldn’t be. Read on.
It’s not just about allowing a new person into your physical space. Starting a new relationship means that at any point, your emotions can peek around the corner of that wall you’ve so carefully constructed to keep the bad guys out. It means that at any point, your heart can, open itself up to that person.
Neither your heart nor your emotions ask your permission to fall in love. They just do it. They don’t consult your head. They just march right ahead and unfortunately, sometimes, land you in situations you have no business in. In some cases, the divorceé gets thrashed about in heartbreak again, but there are times when he or she causes the damage. Intentional or not, hurt people hurt people.
I’ve watched three guys remarry or get into committed relationships relatively quickly after getting divorced. I’m talking within a year or two. Don’t get me wrong — I know everyone is different. The thing is, the shortest length of time any of them had been married was 19 years. That’s a lot of time to spend with one person regardless of how wretched the situation was. True enough, they had all been in toxic marriages, but none of them were ready for (re)commitment. They were faking it. You can imagine what happened next…
The women they’d jumped into these new relationships with were destroyed. In one case, a college friend of mine got remarried after being married to another college friend for 22 years, posted absolutely beautiful pictures of their wedding, professed his love for the woman he deemed his soulmate, then silently divorced her after 10 months.
Another guy pulled a woman into a “Facebook relationship” within a year and a half of his divorce and what do you know? Their thing is done, too. He had been married 19 years.
Things can fall apart the other way, too. I know countless numbers of women who jump into relationships with guys they deem “the one” shortly after divorce and end up with the same kind of guy that hurt them before. I know too many guys who head into new relationships with women that treat them just as badly as their ex’s because the heart tends to lead the head after divorce.
In the end, I believe we’re all out to find love — not that fake mess that we see so often on social media. We want to love and to be loved. I fully believe there is someone out there for each one of us. Sometimes you stumble upon him or her at the grocery store. Sometimes you know all along, but keep missing that person. I know exactly where my soulmate is. Just know that timing is everything. Timing is everything. Until all things are set in their proper places, the timing will always seem to be off. Patience. Patience, my friend.