During the time my divorce was in process, four of my very close friends were also either going through the same thing or had recently finalized theirs. We all had been married a minimum of 19 years, we all had teenaged boys who had seen their moms destroyed by their fathers, and we were all left battered and broken. As horrible as my situation was, it wasn’t the worst of the cases. I dare not discuss the details of anybody’s hell but my own because I am of the belief that if someone trusts you with their story and asks you not to repeat it, you are to carry that thing to the grave. Just know that regardless of how bad your situation is, there is always someone with an even messier one than yours.
What I want to talk about is how ridiculous it is for a person to come into another person’s life, knowing the most painful details of that person’s past, but will turn around and cause even more pain. This quote by Bob Marley is one of the most profound I’ve ever seen:
I think it’s horrible for a person to know that a woman (or man) has been beaten to bloody pieces mentally and emotionally, then cause the exact level of damage, if not a greater one, by taking advantage of his or her love. I don’t care what the circumstances are, you don’t trash another person’s heart. A person’s feelings should not be collateral damage. It takes a very uncaring person to trample over someone who he or she knows loves him or her unconditionally. I know it happens every day, but it’s shameful. It’s not about the broken promise. It’s not about the lies that were told to gain the person’s trust. It’s about opening wounds that the person, him- or herself helped to heal, and pouring an entire box of salt into those wounds. Who does that?
Right now, I’m watching someone I love deeply put on a brave face as the man she spent several years with marry someone else. He cheated on her with this woman but continued to profess his love for my friend. I’ve also witnessed another good friend give up on love because the man she trusted with her entire life and heart moved on to another woman, only telling my friend that he’s not ready for marriage. Keep in mind that she never even mentioned marriage to him because she knew he wasn’t ready and she wasn’t ready, but I guess any old excuse will do. I’m doing my best to convince her that love is real and that she just gave herself to the wrong man. Her argument is that she’s afraid to trust her own judgement, but I’ve almost convinced her that the man who treated her so poorly is just unworthy of her love. She deserves better and I know there’s a man out there for her — one who will love her unconditionally as much as she loved the man who took her for granted.
Nothing in this world will ever make me believe that true love doesn’t exist. I am convinced that we each have a soulmate. I only caution people to be mindful of who they allow to hold the title of “soulmate” in their life because it may just be a case of someone who’s hip to the game, out to find someone to wipe their feet on. Love hard, but love wisely.