The Beauty in Being the One That Got Away

I hate arrogance. I hate conceit. No one on the face of the planet is better than the next person. You’re better than the shabby treatment that some people want to subject you to, but you’re no better than the next human. We’re all flesh and blood. We all need oxygen to live. We all need love. You deserve to be with someone who gets you; someone who understands you and your foolishness; someone who accepts all the stuff about you that others never would. Letting the kind of person go who doesn’t care about the things that run others away is stupid. There’s just no other way to say it – it’s just stupid.

I’m not perfect. I cuss a lot. My sarcasm can be a bit much. I laugh at pretty much everything and I’m seldom satisfied if I don’t have the last word. I overanalyze nearly everything and tend to worry about stuff that can’t possibly manifest. I do know, however, that I’m a good woman.

Tomorrow will be exactly four years since my divorce became official and the one thing my ex-husband has repeatedly told me and anyone else that would listen is that he let a good woman get away. I don’t take credit for anything I don’t do, but I know that I was a huge part of his success as one of the country’s best computer programmers and as a better person overall. I tend to push the people that I love to do better and to be better.

As a helpmeet, my loyalty is unmatched. My last boyfriend will tell you that. I stood by him through a wicked divorce and I made him feel free enough to open up in a way he’s never been able to with any other woman in his life, including his mom. I listened. I cared. I was sympathetic, but he’ll also tell you that I never sugarcoated anything for him. I told him like it was. There was a level of friendship in that relationship that was true to the fact that we’ve known each other our whole lives. Everyone knows that our families have been intertwined since the beginning of time so our union came as no surprise to anyone in this area. He knew that I had his back. He knew that regardless of what happened, he could depend on me. I drove the seven hours it took to hand him a document he needed to prove his position in his divorce hearing. I can’t think of too many other women who would have done that. Love makes you do things like that.

Self-love, however, gives you the strength you need to take your ball and go home. Under normal circumstances, that concept of picking up your ball and trucking home is considered childish – you’re supposed to continue playing the game even if you’re losing. In the game of love, though, if you’re losing because you’re being taken for granted, taken advantage of, aren’t appreciated, the love isn’t being reciprocated, or you just know that thing is not going anywhere, it’s perfectly fine for you to take your ball and go home. Being alone (i.e. not “boo’d up”) is not the hell people want you to believe it is and considering the alternative (being with someone who doesn’t appreciate your presence), it’s absolutely amazing.

In the end, you’ll be the one who got away. You deserve better and trust me when I tell you that the person who so flippantly lets you go will realize it one day, too.


2 thoughts on “The Beauty in Being the One That Got Away

  1. I must admit that the article “The Beauty in Being the One That Got Away” is spot on. Except you where not taken advantage of by your last boyfriend. You never gave him a chance to explain his position. All you know is what you interpret the situation to be. Your ex-boyfriend will always have love for you and you will always be special to him because the two of you have an relationship and feelings for each other that can’t be explained. THAT WILL NEVER CHANGE!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No, he didn’t take advantage of me, but he took me for granted. We’ve been in and out of each other’s lives since 1991 as a couple — that’s a long time, but the last time we came together, things reached an entirely new level. You are right in that I didn’t give him the chance to explain his position; I took things at face value. I should have given him that opportunity.

      You are right — the relationship and the feelings the two of us shared can’t be explained. The physical attraction was there from day one and always will be; the mental and emotional connection was one that very few couples will *ever* experience. It’s rare that you come in contact with a person who can make your body explode then turn around and put your mind at ease to the point that you know for a fact that every single thing is going to be okay. You don’t always get your lover and your friend in one person. We had that. I miss him. There has not been one day — NOT ONE — when he isn’t the first person I think about upon waking and the last person on my mind before I fall asleep. That’s saying a lot considering my love for my son and my granddaughter.

      He will always, always, ALWAYS have my heart. There’ll never be another like him. I haven’t dated since we parted ways. I haven’t been in another man’s company since I last saw him during the Thanksgiving holiday in 2015. He’ll always have my heart.


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