We all know that divorce can ravage a person. It can destroy a person’s confidence, self-esteem, self-worth, finances, and career. There are numerous reasons divorce can hit a household. The folks over at DivorceForce put together a short quiz that shines the light on some sobering facts about divorce that many people are unaware of. Whatever the ultimate reason for the dissolution of a marriage, the list of people who feel the effects is not a short one.
First and Foremost
The effects of divorce are felt by everyone in a couple’s circle. Kids are the most susceptible. My own son is a prime example of how mentally and emotionally devastated children can be left. Counseling was mandatory for him. The situation between his father and me tore him apart. We never placed him in a position to choose one of us over the other, but he certainly felt the pull.
The kid(s) may have been the only one(s) who witnessed the chaos up close, but others feel it, too. The others may be lucky enough to escape the yelling, screaming, flying objects, name-calling, unmerciful silent treatments, and all the other atrocities that can occur during the breakdown of a marriage, but trust me, others feel it.
Friends, Family, Bystanders (Innocent or Not), Fuelers, and All the Others
What I learned from my own divorce is that even if the person you were married to was as wretched as they come, their impact on the lives of your friends and family is indeed a thing. I was married for 19 years and by now, everyone knows just how bad things were inside that union. I almost died from the mental and emotional abuse I was subjected to. My extended family knew that we had problems, but no one knew the extent. They loved him. They were shaken when they found out we were getting divorced. He had been a member of this family for 19 years. Some of them still haven’t a clue about the abuse. My family is HUGE, but we’re relatively close and he was a major part of it. They miss him.
I’ve become much, much closer to his family. Not his mother because I found out that she was very instrumental in the divorce finally being put into motion. As a matter-of-fact, I found out that she had set him up with another woman long before he even told me that he wanted the divorce. Anyway, I am closer now to this brother, one of his sisters and one of his nieces than I ever imagined. They were just as devastated as Will and I were once they knew some of the details. They were appalled by his behavior.
The friends that we shared never felt that they had to choose just one of us to sustain a friendship with. Unfortunately, several couples we were friends with were going through the divorce process at the same time we were. I’ve maintained relatively friendly relationships with the men and he has done the same with the women. I don’t think anyone really looks at him the same, though, because facts are facts.
In the End
Never think for one minute that the act of divorce is confined to the two people who will eventually sign the documents. It’s felt far and wide. Even the family pets are affected. I’m not naive enough to think all divorces can be amicable. It would be amazing if that were the case. Leave as peacefully as possible.