It’s impossible to be a human being with even half a pulse and not be affected, in some way, by all the atrocities the United States is experiencing as a whole. I say as a whole because I don’t care what race you are, what your sexual orientation is, what your religious affiliation is, or where you stand politically, you are included, somehow, in the ruckus. Whether you realize it or not, you’re included.
In all honesty, it’s taken me this long to fully shake loose from all that’s happened over the past week enough that I became focused on my actual day-to-day living. Yes, I was stunned enough by all the killing that I fell back into that state of numbness that I fought so hard to pull myself out of. I was floored by all the blatant hatred. Well, I didn’t fall all the way back into that place, but I had reached a point that I knew I had to start fighting to get up and out of there.
I spent many years behind that wall of safety. I don’t care what happened — as long as it didn’t hurt Will, it didn’t hurt me. It didn’t matter what was done and said to me, I showed little, if any emotion. I felt very little so I showed very little. That’s what can happen after years of abuse. You just don’t care. Your main mission is to live. You just want to live. You just want to make it one more day, but so often, you don’t know why because you lose sight of your purpose. You lose the will to do anything more than just what it will take to keep the criticism to a minimum. Once you learn that regardless of how well you do a thing, there’ll still be something wrong with it, you lose the will to even do the little you were doing.
This world is filled with chaos. It’s so easy to get caught up in the things going on around us. This past week, I got caught up in the news. I am passionate about all the positions I take on all the issues, but I also know that I have to remain focused on my goals, my child, my grandchild, and my purpose. I’ve been in my prayer closet a lot this week. I was shaken, but I’m back on track now.