Blindsided, Blindfolded, or Close-eyed

The Differences

Blindside – while blindsiding a person usually involves catching him or her off-guard in an unpleasant manner, it can also simply mean that you were caught unprepared. I’ll give you examples of both today.


  1. to cover the eyes of a person with or as if with a bandage

  2. to hinder from seeing; especially: to keep from comprehension


You know exactly what this one means – YOUR EYES ARE VOLUNTARILY CLOSED!


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The Good – One of the most pleasant surprises I’ve ever had came on July  26, 2013, when the man who has been a part of my life in an off-and-on relationship for over 30 years inboxed me on Facebook asking if I was home. Home for both of us is Louisiana. We grew up 20 minutes from each other and our families have been intertwined for many, many generations. It’s a well-known fact that the men in his family are extremely attracted to the women in my family. My mom and three of her sisters were married to four of his uncles. That’s just the way it is.

Anyway, everyone knows our backstory and the only reason I’m mentioning it (again) in this post is to point out that his contacting me after more than 16 years after our last “encounter”, totally out of the blue – and I mean TOTALLY – was one of the things that brough me back to life. I wasn’t expecting it. Even though we’ve gone our separate ways for various reasons at different times, we’ve always found our way back to each other. Always. It’s just that I didn’t even know I was on his mind at the time. We hadn’t spoken since 1998 or 1999. I had wished him happy birthday on Facebook, but that was all. That inbox message on July 26, 2013, totally blindsided me. I was unprepared for any goodness because that contact came at the end of my wretched marriage, a debilitating divorce, and a hellish summer.

The Bad – So many things about my ex-husband and his actions blindsided me. Within the first two weeks that I was in Denver, he raped me. I’m going to write all about that in my book, but no one on this side of heaven and that side of hell could have convinced me that he would do something like that to me. No one could have convinced me that he would have allowed his daughter’s mom to call me a nigger then tell me that I would have to deal with it because he wasn’t going to let anything to keep him from seeing his daughter, especially me. That hurt. That wouldn’t be the most hurtful thing he said or did over those 19 years, but it hurt.


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Let’s talk about the old blindfold. The best example I can give you of being blindfoldedwhile in a relationship was my marriage. To blindfold a person is to deprive him or her of sight by tying a piece of cloth around the head so as to cover the eyes. That cloth is not always material. Mine wasn’t. He kept me in the dark about so much. The drugs. The excessive drinking. The gambling. I was blindfolded, period. Eventually, I took that blindfold off, though. If you’re wearing one, you can take your’s off, too.



After a while, I knew exactly what that man was capable of. I closed my eyes to a lot of the things he said because I didn’t want to feel the pain. I didn’t deal with the consequences of his retribution in response to my getting angry or getting back at him for something he’d done. It was ugly and it was stupid, but it’s what happened. I loved him with such intensity that I chose to close my eyes to all the nastiness. At the time, I was willing to sacrifice my dignity to hold on to my marriage. That’s what happens lots of times in an abusive relationship. It will never happen to me. Ever.

A Clear Vision

I’m old enough to know that life can be unpleasant because there will always be unplesant people in existance. Whenever I would question why some people seem to enjoy making other’s lives a living hell, my mom would reply, “That’s their job.” You’re not responsible for the way people behave. You’re responsible for you, your life, and your happiness. Stay awake.



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