Despite the fact that my friends cracked up when I acknowledged this special day on Facebook, today really is National Ex-Spouse Day. I’m probably one of the last people in this world that you would think would even make note of it, let alone make mention of it on the internet, but I have to thank that man for a few things.
I am constantly reminded that nothing I went through over those 19 years was in vain. Those years, all that mess, all that chaos, made me the Trease you see today. Everything that I experienced was a part of the recipe that simmered in that slow-cooker for all those years to create the woman I am today.
Thank You for Those Lessons
Thank you for all the times that you told me (and anyone else who would listen) that you hated you married me. The first time you said that to me, it was fairly early in the marriage and even though we had already had a few arguments, I was hurt to the point that I was speechless. I believe that’s the day you realized just how badly you could hurt me with words and you ran with that thing.
The lesson: regardless of how much a person says they didn’t mean this or that in the heat of an argument, or that they only said it because they were mad, trust and believe there’s some truth behind that thing.
Thank you for all the times you told me I was worthless. You told me that you don’t remember saying this to me, but yeah, you did, more than one and I overheard you tell others. You never apologized (not that it would have mattered), you just said you don’t remember. Okay…
The lesson: Even though your lips should have been stapled shut for spewing those words in my direction, I finally realized that they would have ricocheted off my psyche if I had only realized my own worth instead of depending on you to sum it up for me.
What I know now is that there is no word, no Wiki, and no encyclopedic definition that will ever be able to quantify my worth as a woman. Anyone who knows me knows that conceit is something I absolutely despise, but I know that I’m a good, good woman who brings a lot to the table.
Thank you for telling me that I had become more of a burden to you than an asset. You were tired of giving me that $150 every two weeks (with your gaslighting ass). I asked for $25 extra to get my nails done once, and you told me that you were sick of giving me money. You did, however, give that other chick $2500 to help with her kids and bills that week. You’ve probably forgotten this one, though, so…
The lesson: There really wasn’t one in this foolishness other than the fact that you could just be absurdly ridiculous.
Thank you for telling our son not to marry a bitch like his mom. By the time you actually had the nerve to say those words in my presence, it was on and poppin’! I flew into an unbelievable rage that even scared you. Even though it came completely out of the blue (we had not been arguing), I was armed to the teeth that day and went all kinds of crazy on you.
The lesson: That lesson was actually for you. Trying to turn a child against the other parent is stupid. That was the day I saw an immediate transformation in my son that screamed, “DON’T MESS WITH MY MAMA!” You had already done so much in front of him, but that day, the true destruction of your relationship with him began.
Thank You, Again
I was a strong, strong woman going into that marriage, but by some accounts, I’ve been reconstructed with steel siding. I will never, ever be that naïve young lady who left the state of Louisiana back on October 24, 1993. So much has happened. Some believe that perhaps too much has happened. I get to differ. Just enough happened to strengthen me beyond breaking. Thank you, sir.