I know very few people who haven’t knowingly walked into a situation or two that they knew was either not good for them, would create some kind of controversy, or would derail things in some way or another. Sometimes we do things out of curiosity, sometimes we do things out of desperation. Sometimes we even do things out of spite and aren’t concerned with the collateral damage (i.e., our kid(s), our livelihood, etc.). Whatever the case may be, we jump into that thing knowing there will be consequences that we may or may not be fully prepared to handle.
Self-inflicted Pain, Self-depreciating Behavior
Hindsight is 20/20. I’ve committed myself to being transparent in my writing and I will hold myself to that promise. In that light, I will tell you that there was a time when I didn’t care how much damage I sustained personally, as long as I made my ex-husband feel the same or similar pain. Sometimes it was the case that I wasn’t trying to make him feel pain, I just wanted him to suffer emotionally/mentally in the same way I was.
A prime example of this happened during the summer of 2014 when I needed a new car. We had already been divorced for over a year, but there were parts of the divorce decree that we intentionally left open-ended because there are still financial matters that are pertinent in both our lives. We still have a house in Denver that is being rented out and I initially, I agreed to leave it as is until 2017 with the exception of extenuating circumstances. Again, we intentionally left that area gray because who can really say what an extenuating circumstance will be? Well, one of those circumstances popped up in the June 2014. My SUV was on life support with no chance of recovery. Because he realized just how poorly he had left us, he came to see that it was imperative that I get a new vehicle.
Initially, I refused to let him get me one because I was on that independent woman kick and I was SUPER angry with him for leaving me high and dry. I won’t go into what ultimately made me change my mind (those details will be in the book), but believe me, what happened was enough to make me change my mind in 10 minutes flat. I accepted the car and have never been happier. The reason I mentioned the house in the first place is because we decided to subtract the cost of the car from what he would pay me from the sale of the house. This is why I’m glad we left that part of the decree open-ended. He will only owe me about half of the cash he would have had to pay.
Now, I could have easily decided I was going to continue to live in constant fear of breaking down alongside the road, but why would I do that? To prove that I didn’t need him? Well, in this instance, I acted on something that was in my best interest. Oh, I made sure my son got a new ride, too.
I’m not even sure about the mindset of some people. A very, very good friend of mine is still in the throes of a horrible, horrible divorce where it’s actually the woman creating chaos, confusion, and just pure hell for everyone involved in their divorce proceeding. You see, it would be different if the hatred she spewed forth only affected her ex-husband; it has had a ridiculously harsh affect on their son. She has done everything in her power to strip him financially and even worse, she’s done everything in her power to destroy his character. Luckily, people know the man and realize she has done nothing but lie.
I’ll give more details on this whole situation in my book because I promised to be transparent, right?
The person most damaged by her shenanigans, selfishness, and ignorance is their son. Folks, its just not worth it.
Under no circumstance should you ever be willing to allow your child to be damaged because of your adult issues. It’s stupid.
Eyes Wide Open
Life is entirely too short to spend it inflicting pain on anyone, especially yourself, and ESPECIALLY your child(ren). Hatred is such an overwhelmingly debilitating emotion — don’t let it destroy your whole life.