I asked my ex-husband that question nearly every time we fought. I was always either astounded by the boldness of his actions or just out-and-out disgusted. Either way, I couldn’t understand where he found the audacity to do and say the things he did. I wondered who he thought he was.
Who He Thought He Was
He was raised in a crime-ridden part of Baltimore and had fought for everything he ever received whether it had been his to take or not. He had told me more than once that he had been “excused” from his foolish deeds far too many times and that he believed that was the reason he never really took responsibility for who and what he was as an adult.
He was extremely reckless in the things he did and said for many, many years because truth be told, he had always been shielded by his family or his coaches. For the longest time, he hadn’t been touched. He got away with everything.
Once, during one of his unprovoked, drug-induced tirades, he told me that he made more money than God. Another time, he told me that I wasn’t as smart as he was. Y’all know how those things turned out. He learned that his foolishness would be met with just as much fire from me as he doled out. Still, his self-righteousness, arrogance, and sense of entitlement continued.
What I Think
The truth was, he was a broken, emotionally and mentally battered kid. Most of his life, he had been a bully. Once he realized his physical strength, he began to use that as the backup to say and do whatever he wanted to. He continued to use that mouth of his to crush the very soul of people he felt had wronged him. Ironically (not really), he had a very jaded view of Black women. That’s another blog post, but he told me that he thought Black women were dirty. I know, I know — that’s not only ludicrous, it’s downright stupid considering the fact that his mother is Black, but that’s what he thought.
Another truth is that he really believed that he was God’s gift to women and that he was above reproach. Those things are yet another blog post and the details will be included in my book, but that’s what he thought.
Come Back Down, Sir
Toward the end, he repeatedly told me that he thanked God for me because I had been the only woman who brought him “back down to Earth” in that I taught him the meaning of humbleness. To this day, he tells me that he wouldn’t be as far in his career as he is if it weren’t for me.
The Next Question
After spending so many years asking him who he thought he was, I finally started asking an even more relevant question. It was a question that I needed him to answer. Moreover, it was a question I needed to ask myself. That question: who did he think I was?? I’ll answer that in my next blog post.