My divorce didn’t get underway until after I had moved to the Dallas area and had made several “couple” friendships. My son had played elite basketball since third grade and “serious” football since we moved to Dallas, and some of my personal friendships that resulted from his team play have been proven to be lifelong ones. Those friendships spanned every mile from Denver to Dallas. Unfortunately, many of the marriage, like my own, are dissolved.
The Fall of the Union
By the time my divorce was underway, two of the couples we knew from Denver had gotten divorced. Five of the couples we knew from Dallas had gotten divorced. Because of our sports affiliations, I was still in the company of these people, but the actual communication remained with the women. The fallout from these separations spanned the full spectrum.
What I discovered early on is that the large majority of the men involved were angry. Whether or not they were the ones who cause the problems in the marriage or were the ones who filed, they were mad about all of it. I believe that some of them were angry because would no longer be able to have their cake and eat it, too. They wouldn’t have their family and their side-fun anymore. Some of them were genuinely angry purely because their marriages were over.
In my case, there was an incredible sense of relief after my divorce. It was that way for most of my female friends. There was no more fear of the next abusive conversation. There was no more fear of unknowingly doing something that would result in him getting mad, not saying anything about it, but doing something in retaliation. Along with that sense of relief, though, some of my friends have also developed an underlying fear of moving forward.
I still believe in love. I still believe in the sanctity and beauty of marriage. I still believe that in this world, there is someone for everyone, and I believe that person will love you unconditionally. For some of my divorced friends, however, this is not the case. They have built up a wall that may be impossible for anyone to climb or knock down. The pain, suffering, and abuse left scars that have yet to heal. A couple of my friends are involved in relationships but have not fully released their hearts. That’s understandable. Trust me, I get it. They aren’t willing to give that thing their all because who in their right mind would want to have her heart trampled to pieces again? I get it.
n my case, though, I just refused to allow my past pain, experiences, or the person who caused the pain to cause me to build an impenetrable wall that would have ultimately prevented my soulmate from reaching me. I understand perfectly well, the possible need to stay out of a relationship strictly because you don’t want to be in one. I don’t, however, understand staying out of one because of one particular person. I understand fear and I understand what it means to be fearful of being hurt again. My desire to experience true, unconditional love, however, wouldn’t allow me to construct a wall.
Every person is different, but I pray that one day, those who have built those tall, ironclad walls will allow them to broken down. Love is splendid. It is a part of life that can be beautiful and should be felt.