So the divorce is a done deal. One or both of you have moved out of the family home. Your kid (or kids) have fallen into the routine of living in two different places, or like mine, has gone on to college. You’ve resumed a somewhat “normal” existence and are trying to carry on with your life. Maybe you’ve even started hanging out with friends again. Perhaps you’ve reached the point where you’re ready for another relationship. That’s a good thing. Some of you, however, may be fearful of moving forward with a new love after divorce.
Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself
I am an extremely detailed person and will plan a thing to death. When I realized that I would be moving back to Louisiana, I began putting together my 5-year plan. It had been my intent to take some time off to recover mentally and emotionally, then I would delve head-first into my Mary Kay business because I truly enjoy the premise of that business. I also knew that I would dedicate my time and energy to helping other women who were trapped inside abusive relationships to see their way out. Those two things were near and dear to my heart, and they still are. As a matter of fact, they coincide so amazingly because I am able to empower and encourage women at the same time.
I had also planned to stay single for that 5-year period. When I say I planned to stay single, I mean I had no intention of evening going on a date. Not a single one. Then, as many of you know, I was blindsided when the man who would turn out to be my soulmate re-entered my life in July 2013. I had not completed my move back to Louisiana and to be honest, if I had allowed myself to adhere to the plan without exception, I would have missed out on the best thing that could have happened to me.
I was deeply wounded and scarred from those 19 years of abuse, and was completely discouraged by the time I made it home. So much mental and emotional abuse had left me wondering if I even deserved to be loved because I did not like the person I had become after fighting for so long. I was skittish. I was a little bitter. I was very angry. I was physically exhausted. I didn’t have a lot of trust to give another man. I didn’t feel like I was worth a lot. I didn’t think I deserved to be loved. I was wrong.
Letting the Heart Take Over
I’ve known him since we were children so I actually know him. This wasn’t one of those chance meetings with a stranger. There was a warm familiarness that I can’t explain. There was a closeness that words can’t explain. There is, and always has been, a gentleness about him. He told me that he knew exactly what he was stepping into when it came to my scars and my fears. He was, and continues to be, patient with me and my misgivings. I finally felt that I deserved to be loved when he took the time to assure me that I did. I am glad I took that chance.
You Deserve It, Too
Divorce is hard on the psyche. Whether you were abused or not, divorce can leave you feeling less than deserving of true love. If this is where you find yourself, please re-think that thing. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be cherished. You, my friend, deserve to be loved, too.