During my childhood years, my greatest mission was to leave the state of Louisiana. The racist overtones made me sick. The separatism inside the Black community made me sicker. I led a very sheltered life so I was always extremely bored. All I knew was that I couldn’t wait to get out of Louisiana and in my mind, I had decided that I was never coming back to stay. I hated this place.
Fast-forward to today. Well, let me back up a little. When I moved back here to Louisiana in 2013, I was angry. Actually, the word angry doesn’t even begin to explain what I was feeling when I made the decision to come back. My ex-husband had gone to before the Collin County, TX on March 5, 2013, and just like that, we were done. Nineteen years of hell had been officially dissolved. It had been my intent to stay in the house that I had grown to love so much until I admitted to myself that it would be pretty stupid if I did that.
For one, it was ginormous. It was 3200 square ft., and while that was absolutely perfect when it was filled with a good chunk of Allen High School’s football team or when I was cackling it up with my girl, it would be frightening lonely wth my marriage over and my son away in college. Secondly, it wouldn’t have an ounce of sense financially. The cost to live there was relatively cheap, but I also had the forethought to know that I would possibly have to pay my son’s four-year college education. I just knew it. I thought about moving to a smaller place, but again, there was the forethought of handling my son’s education costs. I was right, but that’s another blog post.
I had gone on a house-hunting quest and had posted on Facebook about the ridiculously hard time I was having finding the right place. I have in excess of 500 family members on Facebook and it took but one post from a cousin saying simply, “Come home” to stop me dead in my tracks. I knew it was what I needed to do. It wasn’t what I wanted to do, but I knew I needed to. Since it was a public reply, everyone saw it and if there was the possibility of that reply trending, it would have done so. ALL of my family and friends — virtual and real life — began to tell me to make my way back to Louisiana. As stubborn as I am, I knew that I needed to do it. That move is yet another blog post that I’ll do later.
Once I was finally home and settled, the reality of my “why” set in. I needed to be here to help with my mother whose health was on the decline. I am so grateful that I had the last two years in her presence. She’s gone now, but not a day goes by that I don’t hear her saying to me that you can always go home. I was a year into my return home before I realized that I’m exactly where I need to be. This is where I will retire. I am surrounded by my family. My son is 2.5 hours away from me and is finally enjoying college life. The sense of peace that I have in the country is something that I never imagined. Retirement will be good.