My marriage officially ended after 19 turbulent years last year on April 5th with the strike of the judge’s gavel. The reality is, it died many years before that but that discussion is for another blog post, on another day.
In all the battles, in all the wars and all the struggles of this 19 years, I lost my identity. I am the first to declare that people can and will do ONLY what you allow them to. I am woman enough to admit that I allowed a lot to happen. I’ve had people ask me how and why I tolerated so much. I wanted more than anything for my marriage to work. It didn’t. I had to start the process of rebuilding.
As a couple, my ex and I decided that I would stay home with our son while he was in elementary school. He disagrees but I know for a fact that we decided, TOGETHER, that I would stay at home until he entered 9th grade. I don’t regret for one minute staying at home with my son. It was where I needed to be.
The summer before my son entered 9th grade, I suffered a brain hemorrhage. I was supposed to die because that’s what typically happens when you have an aneurysm. Obviously, I didn’t. Recovery was excruciating. I was bedridden for six months. There were very few things that I could do for myself. There was no chance of me returning to work that year. As it turns out, I wouldn’t return to work at all prior to my divorce.
Right now, I’m searching for full-time paralegal work. I still have a sales job in a self-employed capacity. I’m working on building credit for myself. I will buy a home next year. I will payoff my car. I’ve had to learn to rely upon myself, the same as I did before I was married. My family has and always will be there for me but backtracking to the me I was before I lost that woman is an amazing journey. Perseverance, determination and faith will see me through.