Every single day, I am more and more grateful for my parents and the way I was raised. I lost my daddy in 1992 and miss him more today than I did in the beginning. My daddy was 85 when he was called Home, but had very little gray hair. He died on June 15, 1992, exactly two weeks after he turned 85. He had been VERY active until November 1991 and when his health began to decline, it did so rapidly. Up until that time, he was still doing things around the house and fishing. Even when things were at the very worst, my dad had a smile on his face. The man never worried. Never.
If it’s God will, Mama will be 83 on December 16th. Her health is very poor but she keeps on keeping on. To know her is to admire her strength. To my knowledge, she has been sick twice in her 82 years. Things that would have kept other people down or perhaps taken them completely out was no challenge for her. That’s the way the folk are in the Jacob(s) family. When I had the brain hemorrhage, each of my aunts talked to me and told me, in essence that God had not left me here just to be doing it. My aunt Elester Mae who passed away just this May was an incredible trooper. I now realize that she was sick at the last family reunion but that never stopped her from flashing that beautiful smile and participating in every activity she was asked to.
I vowed to God, myself and to my son that if He blessed me with my health again, I would handle my life in to totally different manner. To be totally honest, I have fallen into the trap of worry, depression and self-pity a few times since I made that vow, but I refuse to go down like that. I won’t EVER again let someone else’s problems, way of thinking (or lack thereof), insecurity, lack of knowledge or plain stupidity be what drives me. I’ve done that for too long.
This time next year, I will be in a totally different place, in more ways than one. Physically, mentally and emotionally. My mom has called me a pit bull for as long as I can remember because I *REFUSE* to let go until I have what I want. The thing is, now I want totally different things. I have such a clear picture of what true love is and I realized several years ago that I haven’t experienced it. That truth may be shocking to many but to lots of people, I just heard the sigh of relief because of the fact that I actually “spoke” it. Love doesn’t hurt, especially not intentionally. This time next year, there won’t be nearly as much of me (yeah, I’m gonna be slim again) but there will be so much more of me. Just watch.